Chapter 17

Icarus untangled knots fused by the passage of time and neglect. It was a hearty stack of papers and took both hands to stop them all from tumbling to the floor, but he managed and set them down between himself and Maren. Neither of them spoke for a heartbeat, both of them taking in the yellowed pages that would more or less explain to them a great deal about what was happening. Icarus looked up, Maren met his eyes. 

“We can still walk away,” she said. “We have no obligation to any of this. We don’t have to do it.”

He smiled weakly and shook his head, “I think we do, Mare. Too much has happened that can’t be coincidence. The bánánach, Eilonwy, the Inquisitor. If we try to walk away now, I’ve a feeling something will drag us back in.”

“Listen to you, sounding like a zealous congregant now that you’ve no collar to preach with,” she mused. In passive agreement, she reached towards the stack for a bound leather book with an overworn spine. 

Icarus grunted, “Yes, I am known for my belief that the Pale God finds me special.”

“Arguably your best trait some days,” she opened the book and began to read. 

Icarus stared at the dense Pale Doctrine swollen with notes and tabs and secrets and lies. She had left this for him to read, a sacred text between father and son that contained things not hers to read—not first, anyway. He couldn’t decide if he was grateful when he forced his hand to move, to pick up the volume that contained everything he both wanted to know and recoiled from. 

He opened the cover and began to read. 

**

It was a book of horrors Icarus had to put down several times as he read. His mouth was dry reading through note after note, unfolding scraps shoved in between pages with trembling hands, letting his silence grow tighter and tighter. He made it through two books of the Doctrine before setting it aside. 

He took a deep, shaking breath and rubbed a hand along his brow, “I have to take a break. I can’t… Mare, what the fuck.”

He instinctively reached for his flask before remembering he was in plainclothes with a grimace. Standing, he beelined for the lopsided nightstand that served as a liquor cabinet and liberated a bottle of something that still looked in good sorts. The cork popped cheerfully and he took a long drink of burning amber, letting its calm settle into his bones. 

Her face was equally pale, “It’s a book about the Veil. He shouldn’t have been able to take it from the library, it’s supposed to be in their restricted section.”

“Can’t be worse than reading about passages to help your congregation feel the true horror of the Stygian Lord,” he took a more measured sip and leaned back. The lack of chastisement for his gamble on a bottle of fifteen year old liquor worried him more than the book’s contents. 

“Listen to this,” she leaned forward and traced the passage with a long finger. “...and when the Great Fracture cleaved one into three, the Veil was stitched together from the chords of the Earth’s song and hung between the world of fae and man. Likewise, the Stygian Lord sealed his demons beneath the world and inked the Gate of Blood from His own hand.”

“Go on,” Icarus’s head was spinning from more than just the well-aged whiskey. He knew the Great Fracture, when the realms of fae, man, and demons entered their current state of spiritual warfare. Both predated on man, attacking from two fronts, but sealed implied protection, not forming a great demonic offensive. 

“The Veil will not suffer man, thus man suffers in its place. The Gate of Blood remains closed to all but the Pale God His brother,” Maren looked up and tried to sort out her next words carefully. “This doesn’t make any sense. This isn’t what…”

This isn’t what the Church has taught us. Icarus already knew that as well as she did. Their lives, their tutelage in the Church, had always been about the war of fae and demon against man clawing to usurp the Pale God by obliterating His congregants. What Daedalus had been reading seemed to preach the opposite. 

“What if…” Icarus paused, not so fresh out of the Church he had unspooled all of his lifelong beliefs. “What if we aren’t doing the Pale God’s work? What if we’re…”

“What if we are the demons?” She finished for him and let it hang suspended and terrible and probably true. 

He looked out the window into the fading grey-black early evening and let himself take a final drink before replacing the cork. If he didn’t he’d be facedown before midnight and Pale Lord knew what had taken up residence in these rugs. He sighed, “Go home. You’ve done enough today and nearly sacrificed a lung to do it. I’ll keep going for a bit.”

“Icarus-”

He held up a hand, “Maren, you’ve done enough. Go home and rest. I’ve got another hour or so in me, I’ll meet you in the morning. Whatever’s in these books isn’t going to get worse if you don’t read it right now.” He swallowed hard, “Besides, I’m nearing capacity for all the disgust I can swallow. And I’ve swallowed a lot of disgust in my days.”

She let herself weigh his argument before snapping the book closed and setting it on the table. In a graceful motion, she was on her feet and pulling on her coat, pausing only to pat his arm, “One hour. No more. Then go rest. You weren’t yourself this morning and it makes me worry about that head wound.”

He shrugged, “Not much in there to rattle around in the first place, I wouldn’t worry.”

She shot him a reprimanding look and turned, leaving him standing in the dusty old sitting room with only the low-burning fire for company. He sighed, rubbing a hand along the back of his head and feeling for the scabbed-over gash in question. It was significantly smaller than he expected for something causing him so many problems. 

Icarus paced the room and examined the scant paintings of suffering Saints—Lazriel, Brida, Kiernan—who had endured excruciating deaths during the Great Fracture and the period of instability that followed. How much of it had been real? How much of it was a twisted and manipulated fantasy of the Church in an effort to gain traction?

Without the Church, Icarus mused, what was there before?

He hadn’t thought much about the Church’s history, there hadn’t felt like a need. The Great Fracture occurred and split the three realms, then man was defending itself from two sides as fae and demons tried to infect their world and overpower the Pale God. It was such a clean story, such a neat tale of how the Church came to be that conveniently also forged a viable crusade for the people. After all, it was hard to deny they were being attacked when someone watched their family and friends’ bodies fight off one of the invaders in question. 

He frowned, unable to shake one thing that bothered him. He sat back down and leafed through Maren’s book until he found the same passage again. He propped it open and went to Daedalus’s Pale Doctrine, leafing through until he found the Book of Admonitions.

Admonitions had always been a ghastly telling of what was coming, the great white flame of the Pale God descending onto the Earth to burn out the damned and bring the righteous into His loving embrace. 

“Whatever that means,” he grumbled to himself. 

It was a book full of grisly stories of suffering—how the fae would be torn to pieces and their grey skeletons turned to char and ash, how the demons would be crucified and torn apart by great heavenly beasts. He hated that book, but most frustrating of all was how it had come to exist. Saint Paolo took a brutal fall and struck his head on a rock, then a few days later started having visions and decided they were from the Pale God. Visions of what was to come, he had proclaimed. There was no cause to believe it other than the word of a madman with a head injury. 

Icarus was beginning to learn a lot more about the precarity of anything said by a man with a head injury. He leafed through the Doctrine until he found 13:4 to 27:12 and stared. Daedalus had poured over these. There were a dozen scraps of paper tucked into the pages, circles and lines and illegible notes so dense he couldn’t read the words anymore. 

One scrap landed in his lap, then another. He picked up the first and unfolded it. 

The Veil will not permit MAN. Inquire and attest. 

Another scrawl at the bottom, likely penned later. 

The Veil permits demon.

Icarus stared at the underlined word, a sick feeling settling into his gut. He wanted more whiskey in his blood for this, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. He lifted the second note and unfolded it. Eyes wide, he forced himself to read. 

They give their lives for this holy cause. 

A temporary change of state. 

Something in the blood.

It tricks the crossing, it is a way through.

He swallowed. The room dilated. His chest constricted around his thundering heart. Cold ringed his wrist and ran its icy fingers along his arm. It all took shape into a single, grim picture. 

The Church wasn’t just allowing people to endure possession to drive up Mass attendance and take in more coin. Somewhere in its ranks was a subsect of brothers and sisters who were doing something so much worse—they were bleeding out these victims of demonic occupation and using their blood to cross the Veil unharmed. 

The Church was killing people. 

Icarus was on his feet, knuckles white around the damnable notes. He wasn’t thinking, he couldn’t. His head throbbed again, a buzzing built to a roar in his ears. He crossed the sitting room so fast he hardly remembered it and grabbed his coat, shoving one arm into

The votes have been counted and this November we will be reading:

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke.

This book has been described as inventive, odd, and mind bending. A lot of us will be rereading it with the hopes of understanding it better with other readers but I personally will be diving in for the first time! I've been a little nervous about starting this one so it's sat on my TBR for quite a while, so I'm happy to be entering this story with you by my side.

Hoping this earlier announcement helps you get your hands on a copy in time. Can't wait to discuss it with you on our Discord!

I am finally doing another unhaul, so it’s time for Inner Circle Early Access! I’d intended to do these either every month or every other month, but my schedule of when I was home (where my books are) vs on campus was so up in the air I never quite managed. That means this is going to be a bigger one! 

Thankfully, my schedule is a bit more settled this year (at least, it’s meant to be) so I hope to have my Pango store up and running consistently and do small unhauls every other month.

For these unhauls, I’ll post photos of all of the books and list out all of the prices*, and you guys will head over to #unhauls on Discord to claim whatever books you’re interested in (first come first serve!). I’ll then list them on PangoBooks as a bundle and send you the link to purchase. If you purchase your book by Sunday night, it’ll be shipped out sometime on Monday. If you don’t purchase until after that point it won’t ship until Friday or Saturday, since I’ll be at school.

You are also free to ask for more pictures in Discord and I’m happy to send them, but if you ask after Sunday night I won’t be able to send pics until the weekend.

The books are in very good/excellent condition (minor shelf wear or remainder marks will be the extent of damage) and come from a smoke free, pet friendly (cats and dog) home.

The early access and 10% off will be exclusive to Inner Circle members, but once the books get listed on Pango publicly (about a week from now), the channel will open up for Follower members to message about bundling books for reduced shipping and adding on remaining ARCs to their orders (for free, of course, though it’ll add to shipping weight/cost).

*prices listed do not include the 10% off discount, because I didn’t want to do math for every individual book. You’ll get an additional 10% of the prices below.

Let’s get into the books!

Mickey Chambers Shakes It Up by Charish Reid (paperback) $5

Enemies to Lovers by Alisha Rai (paperback) $4.50

Let's Split Up by Bill Wood (paperback w/ sprayed edges) $5

Casket Case by Lauren Evans (paperback) $4

Haunted Ever After by Jen DeLuca (paperback) $3.50

How to Find a Romance in a Bookshop by Poppy Alexander (paperback) $5.50

Until Next Summer by Allison Ashley (paperback) $4

Where the Wildflowers Grow by Terah Shelton Harris (paperback w/ sprayed edges) $9.50

Problematic Summer Romance by Ali Hazelwood (paperback) $3

Frizzy by Claribel Ortega (paperback) $3.50

Not the Witch You Wed by April Asher (paperback) $2.75

Drawn Together by Mercedes Ron (paperback w/ sprayed edges) $7

Isn't It Obvious by Rachel Runya Katz (paperback) $4

A Forbidden Alchemy by Stacey McEwan (paperback w/ sprayed edges) $8.75

Razorblade Tears by S.A. Cosby (paperback) $2.75

The Conditions of Will by Jessa Hastings (paperback) $4

Dog Person by Camille Pagán (hardcover) $5

Heiress of Nowhere by Stacy Lee (hardcover) $4

The Unexplained Consequences of Bleeding on a Tuesday by Kelsey B. Toney (hardcover) $6

Every Time You Go Away by Abigail Johnson (hardcover) $7

Amelia, If Only by Becky Albertalli (hardcover) $5

Lei and the Fire Goddess by Malia Maunakea (hardcover) $6

That's a Great Question, I'd Love to Tell You by Elyse Myers (hardcover) $4.50

You've Found Oliver by Dustin Thao (hardcover) $6.50

The Lure of Wolves and Whispers by Amanda Connolly (hardcover) $8

Blood Bound by Ellis Hunter (hardcover w/ sprayed edges) $6

Ungodly Chaos by Selma Soren (hardcover) $5

The Last Best Quest Ever by F.T. Lukens (hardcover) $8.50

The Ordeals by Rachel Greenlaw (hardcover) $8

Throne of the Fallen by Kerri Maniscalco (hardcover) $4.50

Cross the Line by Simone Soltani (afterlight) $15

Violet Thistlewaite Is Not a Villain Anymore by Emily Krempholtz (owlcrate) $28

Belladonna by Adalyn Grace (fairyloot--picture below bc I forgot to pull it off my shelf) $30

Belladonna by Adalyn Grace (signed first edition with printed case--picture below bc I forgot to pull it off my shelf) $25

Foxglove by Adalyn Grace (signed first edition with printed case) $25

What the River Knows by Isabel Ibañez (owlcrate) $12

Skin by Nikki Payne/M.A.Y.A by Nina Saxena (Kickstarter) $45

Taken by Elizabeth Stephens/Brood by Claire Kent (Kickstarter) $45

Prima by Sherry Thomas/Trade by Cate C. Wells (Kickstarter) $45

The Isle in the Silver Sea by Tasha Suri (illumicrate) $17

Kingdom of the Wicked (Barnes and Noble) $6

Kingdom of the Cursed (Barnes and Noble) $6

Kingdom of the Feared (Barnes and Noble) $6

ARCs can be added on to an order for FREE--as many as you'd like!