There are seasons (like this one, frankly) when it feels like the world is unraveling faster than I can make sense of it. Maybe you're feeling that way this week, too?

The news is heavy. There's no getting around it. Conversations may feel sharper. And then holidays show up with their lights and music and expectations. On one side, I feel comforted by the holiday spirit, but on the other side, I won't lie to you. That spirit can make the hard things feel louder. Grief, loneliness, exhaustion, it's all magnified this time of year.

So as I try to write video scripts for the tea room and find myself saying, “Just have hope,” I can't help but get frustrated with myself and that message. What does hope even look like right now? What does hope even mean?

One thing I am confident in as I exhaust this search, is that hope isn’t pretending things are fine. And it isn’t optimism for optimism’s sake. Does that make sense?

What I'm finding is that hope is something we practice, especially when things are dark. And that practice doesn’t start with positive thinking, despite what the gurus tell you. It starts with helping our overwhelmed brains feel just a little safer.

When everything feels like it’s crashing, your brain is doing what it was built to do. It's scanning for danger, bracing for impact, trying to protect you. That survival mode makes it very hard to imagine a future that feels good or even tolerable, right?

So instead of asking ourselves to “feel hopeful,” what if we focused on helping our nervous system find its footing again?

I've done some research and found a few things I'm currently putting into practice to ensure that my hope stays lit this season:

1. Make the future feel smaller

When things feel hopeless, it’s often because the future feels enormous. There are too many unknowns and worries. For me, I feel pressure to figure it all out. Hope starts to come back when the future feels "winnable" again.

So, instead of asking, “How do I fix everything?” I'm asking this:

• What’s one small thing I can do in the next 24 hours?

• What would make today just a little gentler?

This could be something very simple like lighting a candle while you make dinner (one of my favorite little resets). You could step outside for five minutes of fresh, cool air. You could try making your coffee or tea routine a ritual, adding in some silence and intention as you pour and sip.

It's really just an invitation for stillness. Like reminding your brain that you can handle this moment. Sometimes that proof that we can handle one moment leads to us believing we can then take on the next moment. That is literally HOPE.

2. Look for mini moments of goodness

When the world feels heavy, our brains get really good at noticing what’s wrong (at least mine does). That doesn’t mean you’re negative. It means you’re human. But hope grows when we encourage our brains to shift what we notice.

Something I'm trying: At the end of the day, I jot down three small, good things I saw or felt. Not forced gratitude or silver linings. Just something sweet, simple, or relieving.

For example, last night I noticed someone holding a door for someone that needed it. I also had a friend's pet choose to sit by me (heaven). And to top it off, I got to take off my heeled boots. There is nothing that brings on a dramatic sigh of relief more than the feeling of removing heels.

No, this doesn’t erase the hard stuff I experienced or noticed throughout the day. It just keeps the hard stuff from being the only thing my brain recorded. Tiny sliver of hope restored.

3. Hope thrives in community

This one matters more than we admit. My friend, you were not meant to carry everything by yourself, especially during the holidays.

Being around calm, kind energy can help our own nervous systems settle. Maybe you find that regulation by calling an old friend or family member to check in. Maybe it's playing with your pet or curling up with a loved one to rewatch a comfort show you already know ends ok. It could be spending some time with our cozy community, attending one of Discord events and enjoying a low-pressure night with friends.

The point is to intentionally place yourself near something that feels steady. Borrowed hope not only counts. In my opinion, it's the secret to maintaining hope, full stop.

Something to remember: hope doesn’t require certainty. It doesn’t ask you to believe everything will turn out perfectly, thankfully. That's honestly too much for me to believe today.

What I'm finding is that hope acts as a beacon, a reminder that small moments of warmth have more impact that I realize. That my nervous system can soften, even a little. That today doesn’t get to decide the rest of my life or the rest of the world's trajectory. In it's way, hope is a radical form of taking back some control, even if it's a tiny bit. That's encouraging to me.

Hope may look quieter than we expect, and I kind of like that about it. If everything feels dark right now, let hope be small enough to carry. If you can keep it in your pocket, warm and protected, that's enough for now.

When it's time for it to sprout and grow, it will. That's what spring is for, after all.

Let the winter keep it safe and sound. Carry it slow. Carry it with ease. And share it as often as you can with others.

That’s how I believe hope survives.

xx, Meg

I know I left y'all hanging & I apologize 😅
Here are the rest of the books I got with the birthday giftcards my friends gave me:

A Man for Mrs. Claus by Rebekah Weatherspoon
I love her books & when I saw the cover of this 1 on her IG, I knew I had to get it!

New Worlds, Old Ways: Speculative Fiction Tales From The Caribbean edited by Karen Lord
I found this book when I was helping a student w/ research.

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord
Another book inspired by that research appointment. I also love stories with a multiverse.

The Chainbreakers by Julian Randall
Julian Randall is one of my autobuy authors.

Blood Moon by Britney S. Lewis
I've been waiting to get this book for a while! I'm all in on Black vampire stories.

They Thought They Buried Us by Nonieqa Ramos
This book has been on my TBR for a while as I'm always trying to find more books by Puerto Rican & queer authors.

We Will Rise Again: Speculative Stories and Essays on Protest, Resistance, & Hope edited by Karen Lord, Annalee Newitz, & Malka Older
Okay, so I'm on a Karen Lord spree 😂 but y'all know I LOVE speculative fiction soo whatever!

This Is The Only Kingdom by Jaquira Díaz
More Puerto Rican Fiction 😍

Are any of these books on your TBR?

Happy Holidays lovelies! Last night was the first night of Hanukkah, and I figured what better to kick off the official start of the winter holidays than a round up of every single holiday romance book with disability representation that I know of? This is every book that has ever crossed my radar, whether that’s because I’ve read it, a friend of mine has, or even just that it’s been logged by participants in Disability December over the years. I did my best to double check, but I can’t guarantee that the info for each of these is 100% correct–only for those which I have myself read, which are denoted by my own ratings (out of 5 stars).

Without further ado–here are the books!

Title: Eight Bright Lights by Sara Gibbs*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Hanukkah

Title: A Little Magic by Lindsey Lanza*

Representation: lupus

Holiday: Hanukkah & Christmas

Title: To Touch the Light by E.M. Lindsey*

Representation: low vision, partial blindness

Holiday: Hanukkah

Title: The Remaking of Corbin Wale by Roan Parrish*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Hanukkah

Title: Mistletoe and Mishigas by M.A. Wardell*

Representation: PTSD, anxiety

Holiday: Hanukkah & Christmas

Title: Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West*

Representation: autism, cane user, chronic pain

Holiday: Hanukkah

Title: Eight Nights to Win Her Heart by Miri White*

Representation: hard of hearing

Holiday: Hanukkah

Title: Second Chances in New Port Stephen by T.J. Alexander

Representation: alcoholism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Christmas by the Coast by Mandy Baggot

Representation: amputee

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Set the Record Straight by Hannah Bonam-Young

Representation: ADHD, autism

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 4.5 stars

Title: Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun*

Representation: anxiety, ADHD

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 5 stars

Title: All I Want for Christmas is Them by Adora Crooks

Representation: kidney failure

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Merry Murderous Midwinter by Dahlia Donovan*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Big Nick Energy by Morgan Elizabeth*

Representation: migraines

Holiday: Christmas

Title: My True Love by Melissa Foster

Representation: amputee, prosthesis

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Handyman for the Holidays by Valerie Gomez

Representation: verbal apraxia, Deaf

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Meddling Under the Mistletoe by Melissa Grace*

Representation: fibromyalgia

Holiday: Christmas

Title: How the Duke Saved Christmas by Anna Harrington

Representation: physical disability due to leg injury

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Cruel Winter With You by Ali Hazelwood

Representation: anxiety, panic attacks

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 4.25 stars

Title: Wrapped Up in You by Talia Hibbert*

Representation: anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 3.5 stars

Title: Merry Inkmas by Talia Hibbert*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Merrily Ever After by Jenny Holiday

Representation: endometriosis

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Under the Mistletoe With You by Lizzie Huxley-Jones*

Representation: non-epileptic seizure disorder, anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Make You Mine This Christmas by Lizzie Huxley-Jones*

Representation: hEDS, autism (undiagnosed)

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 3.5 stars

Title: A Pucking Wrong Christmas by C.R. Jane

Representation: depression

Holiday: Christmas

Title: You’re a Mean One, Matthew Prince by Timothy Janovsky

Representation: anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

Title: The Holidate Switch by Torie Jean*

Representation: endometriosis, adenomyosis, ADHD (undiagnosed)

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 4.5 stars

Title: A Lord’s Guide to Mutiny, Marriage, and Mistletoe by Anne Knight

Representation: chronic pain, amputee

Holiday: Christmas

Title: At Home With You This Christmas by Marie Landry*

Representation: anxiety, depression

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A White Lie Christmas by Suzy Langevin*

Representation: allergies, vision impairment, anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

Title: The Mistletoe Motive by Chloe Liese*

Representation: autism, type 1 diabetes

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 5 stars

Title: A Moonlit Christmas Kiss by Larissa Lyons*

Representation: physical disability due to leg injury, cane user

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Some Like It Cold by Elle McNicoll*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Wreck My Plans by Jillian Meadows

Representation: celiac disease, depression

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 3.75 stars

Title: The Christmas You Found Me by Sarah Morgenthaler

Representation: chronic kidney disease

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Daddy for Kinkmas by Reese Morgan

Representation: ADHD, autism, stutter

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Holly Jolly Ever After by Julie Murphy* and Sierra Simone

Representation: ADHD

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Jingle Bell Mingle by Julie Murphy* and Sierra Simone

Representation: narcolepsy

Holiday: Christmas

Title: This Winter by Alice Oseman*

Representation: depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorder

Holiday: Christmas

My Rating: 4.25 stars

Title: The Christmas Letters by Jenny Proctor

Representation: anxiety, panic attacks

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Christmas in the Cat Cafe by Jessica Redland

Representation: fibromyalgia

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Venice, Actually by Kelly Reynolds

Representation: PCOS

Holiday: Christmas

Title: A Case for Christmas by J.A. Rock and Lisa Henry

Representation: autism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Hot Chocolate and Holiday Mishaps by Samantha Picaro*

Representation: autism

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Christmas by Design by Allie Samberts

Representation: anxiety, panic attacks

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Hook-Up to Holidate by Rose Santoriello*

Representation: anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Peppermint Bark, No Bite by Bailey Seaborn

Representation: PTSD

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Silent Night by Lily Seabrooke

Representation: auditory processing disorder

Holiday: Christmas

Title: You Make It Feel Like Christmas by Sophie Sullivan

Representation: anxiety, panic attacks

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Homestead for the Holidays by Wren Taylor

Representation: anxiety

Holiday: Christmas

Title: All Is Bright by RaeAnne Thayne

Representation: spinal cord injury

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Christmas in Snowflake Canyon by RaeAnne Thayne

Representation: amputee, PTSD

Holiday: Christmas

Title: Mistletoe Misconduct by Giuliana Victoria*

Representation: schizophrenia, chronic headaches

Holiday: Christmas

Title: There’s Always Next Year by Leah Johnson and George M. Johnson

Representation: anxiety

Holiday: New Year

Title: New Year Knew You by Evie Mitchell*

Representation: traumatic brain injury

Holiday: New Year

*representation is confirmed to be own voices and/or by an otherwise disabled author

Happy holidays and happy reading!

~Kaley