I'm a stay at home mom. I haven't acknowledged that in any of my previous posts on here or on social media really. At the end of my maternity leave in March, when my final decision was due, I felt bone deep certainty about my choice. That doesn't mean I feel comfortable explaining it to other people, though. 

When I'm trying to be succinct (which I rarely succeed at), I explain that this decision makes financial and logistical sense to my family. And it does. And also, I believe I could not invest in writing the way I want to if I were a working mom, at least not with the 9 to 5 I had. Do my writing aspirations make financial and logistical sense for my family? No, but they matter to me and, fortunately, to my partner. 

I'm still figuring out what being a stay at home mom looks like for me. I'm formulating the job description, trying to nail down the duties and expectations. None of my friends are stay at home mom writers, but I've met some over the years. When I think of writers I admire who are also stay at home mothers, I think of Karen Joy Fowler, whom I saw speak at the Community of Writers in 2018. She shared that when she first had her writing published, she was advised by another writer friend not to say she was a homemaker when attending professional events. 

"Why?" Fowler remembered asking, "I'm proud to be a homemaker." 

Her friend replied, "Well, it's just that your house isn't that clean…"

As I write this, I am acutely aware of how dirty my house is. Dusty. Cluttered. Stained. Clean dishes haven't been put away. Cardboard boxes are piling up in the corner of my kitchen. All the bed sheets need washing. Dog and cat hair gather in every corner. They're not dust bunnies. They're dust clots. Dust tumbleweeds. 

When my husband went back to work and I started to spend more time at home alone with our newborn, I became acutely aware of how rapidly dust accumulated in our place. Sure, we have two long-haired dogs and a long-haired cat, but still, dust regenerated at a rate that I felt warranted scientific study. Something had to be done.

My husband and I don't want to follow the traditional model where I take on all of the domestic labor. However, because I'm home all the time, it only seems fair I take on more of the domestic labor than I did before when we were both working 9 to 5s. I decided I should defeat the dust. I started with dusting once a week. Not enough. Twice a week? Nope. Increasing the frequency of my cleaning did not reduce how often I noticed mess. In fact, the opposite seemed true. I'd do a lap with a dust mop and by the time I was done, I would catch sight of more dust whispering out from under the couch. More crumbs scattered under the kitchen table. Like they snuck out when I had my back turned. I told my husband I was beginning to suspect I needed to clean every room every day. 

Then, I remembered this quote:

“I've seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write... and you know it's a funny thing about housecleaning... it never comes to an end. Perfect way to stop a woman. A woman must be careful to not allow over-responsibility (or over-respectability) to steal her necessary creative rests, riffs, and raptures. She simply must put her foot down and say no to half of what she believes she "should" be doing. Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments only.”

― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype

When is a house clean enough? When it's spotless? When it looks like nobody lives in the house? This is an effective strategy to devalue housework, isn't it? To say that if the result is not perfect, it's worthless. It might as well not have been done. As though the cleaning person's effort comes with no cost and therefore can be redone and redone until it meets impossible standards. 

Wait, I thought as I pondered this, why does this reasoning feel so familiar?

In the first year of my MFA program, my professor Goldberry Long led a class focused on the revision process. Quickly I surmised that her ultimate goal was to help each of us discover and fortify our own writing process – or, in simpler terms, to get us writing and keep us writing. She introduced a system that she swore by. She broke her daily writing goals into three categories: Must Do, May Do, Wish Do. 

MUST DO

an extremely achievable writing goal. A writing goal you know you can accomplish every day, no matter what happens.

MAY DO 

a writing goal you can achieve on a pretty good day. You would like to do this every day, but if you have a tough day, you may not get to it.

WISH DO

a writing goal you can achieve on an ideal day – no plans or distractions. Just you and the blank page. 

In teaching us this system, Goldberry's biggest obstacle was not the May Dos or the Wish Dos. No, instead, she spent most of the class begging us to drastically reduce our Must Do goals. 

One of us would suggest, "Write a page a day!" 

She'd respond, "Too big. Go smaller. It should be something so minuscule, you'll be shocked if you can't do it. Write a single sentence! Go into the document and change one thing — even if it’s a comma!”

She explained that the point of this system was to prevent us from giving up. And the most common reason writers gave up was because they set unrealistic goals for themselves, became discouraged when they didn't meet these goals, and then allowed this discouragement to bloom into defeat. 

The most important thing I took from grad school was a pathological avoidance of perfectionism. Elizabeth Gilbert put it best when she recommended becoming "a deeply disciplined half-ass" in Big Magic. Have I been guilty of sending prose out into the world when it was too nascent and unpolished? Absolutely. But I rather have made this mistake than have never sent out anything. I've witnessed perfectionism thwart the most talented writers I've ever met. It is that serious.

Last year, I wrote a novel while working my 9 to 5. I did it by writing at least 1,000 words a day. Most days, the words I wrote were ghastly. But I kept going because my goal was 1,000 words a day. Not 1,000 good words a day. (I literally don’t think I could do 1,000 good words a day…)

I also kept going because sometimes, every week or so, there was a day where I felt like I was onto something. I resigned to this exchange: If I tolerated enough days of slogging through mediocrity, I would receive a day where I was pleased with what came out on the page. 

So I'm applying this approach to cleaning. The goal is not spotlessness. The goal is to just run the dust mop along the ground. Turn on the vacuum and take it on a tour of the room. So there's some dust left behind. That doesn’t mean I didn’t clean. That doesn't mean I failed. Because there’s no winning in cleaning. I’ll never clean so well I won’t need to clean again in a couple days (read: hours). 

Just like I’ll never write something so perfect, I’ll never need to write again. 

Just like I’ll never mother so perfectly that I won’t need to mother anymore. 

My therapist often reminds me of Donald Winnicott's philosophy about the "good-enough mother." I hold this idea like a rosary in my darkest moments.

Pinterest presented me with this meme the other day.

I tried to be like "haha" and scroll on, but the meme caught in my throat. Unfortunately, you will see me dead before you see me hopeless. I've got a little ember of maybe tomorrow will be better in my heart that can't be stamped out.

In the second year of my MFA program, I taught two creative writing workshops for undergrads. Like Goldberry, the most important lesson I wanted to impart was: figure out how to start writing and never stop. I told them that before they turned in their workshop submissions, they should hold up the pages up and say, "This is not me. This is just something I wrote yesterday. I can always write something new and better." 

Maybe that's what I love about mothering, writing, cleaning. They keep the promise of tomorrow crackling inside me. Maybe tomorrow I'll defeat the dust. Maybe tomorrow my house will be clean. 

Hey y'all,

As a perk of being a paid subscriber, you can get 30% off the brand new Bindery merch! My hat just came in and it is so comfy. Use code BINDERYINSIDER for 30% off from 8/27-9/1.

XoXo,

Rae

What a week, y'all! To say that this past week kicked my butt is an understatement. Work was absolutely bananas, but I still found time to publish a fun new episode of Let's Go to the Library (after multiple attempts I might add) and finish two AH-MAZING books. Plus, I'm still riding high on the big boost Carly's (@thepastelbookshelf) collaboration gave to my Booktube channel: over 700 new subs there in just a week!

Before I jump into the books, I just want to share something that's weighing heavy on me this morning. Last night while at a work event I learned that someone I once worked with (and care about) was diagnosed with cancer. She's near my age with a husband and teenager, just getting started on a promising new career path (thus why we no longer work together), with the world at her fingertips. I'm devastated for her. It has me thinking alot about loss, life, death, and meaning. Live your life, my friends. Every single second of it. Fill it full of things and people and activities you care about, fiercely.

Ok, onto the books! I told you I finished two amazing books this week, and I wasn't lying. I posted a video earlier this week (linked below) predicting both to be 5⭐️ reads, and I wasn't wrong.

Meet Me in the Garden by Nina LaCour is a f'ing masterpiece, y'all. It's not only profoundly beautiful, but it's truly a looking glass right into the heart of Creole culture and The Great Migration. Race relations, colorism, queer vs straight, love vs loss: this book has EVERYTHING, plus so much more. It's written in a stream-of-consciousness style with very poetic prose. It might not be for everyone, but it was for me. (5⭐️s, eyes or audio, get your hands on this one)

The Witches of Cambridge may not be as historically compelling, but, man, did it pack a BIG punch. Full of dark vs light magic, female friendship and betrayal, and the oh-so-beautiful storytelling style Hoffman is known for, this one was absolute perfection. Any true Hoffman lover will absolutely fall hard for Ava, Lauren, Jamie, Lionel, and Jack. Though I wouldn't suggest starting with this book if you are new to Hoffman, I definitely think it a must-read if you've read and enjoyed any of her work before. (5⭐️s, better with your eyes)

I've now moved on to The Pirate Queen, my second most-anticipated read of September new releases, and, boy, it is DELIVERING! I've mostly been listening to this one while running errands and doing chores, but I do plan to pick up my ebook copy just to get a sense for the reading experience vs listening. Many people have shared they preferred reading rather than listening, mostly because of the structure. But I beg to differ. The audiobook is full of all the rich brogue and melodious Irish dialect, and it seems like that might be missing from the printed book. I'm thoroughly engrossed and emphatically optimistic about it! Will I finish by the end of the month? Maybe!

Lastly, I tried listening to The News from Dublin but quickly moved on to The Pirate Queen. Though I didn't listen to much, I got the sense it's more of a cerebral read, something that doesn't always work for me on audio. I will go back to it as part of my current NetGalley project (more on that later).

Sadly, I haven't yet picked up my copy of The Shadow of the Wind since reading the first few pages earlier this month. I promised myself I wouldn't skip another BBFL book club book (skipped June), but I am not sure I can squeeze it in before the end of the month. I still plan to read it, just maybe not right away. I do, however, have plans to start our September read, The Hacienda, right away!

Hoping this week will not be as crazy at work, but not holding my breath. I don't know if I'll get all my September new release content up before September 1, but you can bet on a brand new newsletter in your inbox that morning. If you're not signed up to my email list, be sure and sign up now (double opt-in required)!

ICYMI

• 5⭐️ Book Predictions (that actually came true)

• Let's Go to the Library Ep 2: Books about Teachers

• A complete list of books with Teachers as Main Characters

• A love letter to Lady Tremaine

• His & Hers Nonfiction, but make it about music

Hear it Here First

I'm headed to the library this week in search of my next Let's Go to the Library read. Next episodes prompt is A Book Set in the 1930s, and I plan to have some fun with this one, so stay tuned.

As I said, September new release alerts will be live on Youtube and IG/TT sometime this week, just not sure I can pull it off by Tuesday. First I have to record them. 😜

I have a few extra copies of HIGHLY sought after ARCs to give away this week. Watch Facebook and Instagram for an announcement!

Hoping to record and maybe edit a tell-all YT video about a big shift in my reading that I have been dying to share.

Currently recording a vlog detailing my weekend on lockdown, aka my phone is Brick'd.

Have an amazing week, y'all!

Happy reading ❤️

xoxo

c

Here's where you can submit your video ideas! Feel free to also spit ball/brainstorm in the comments or the dedicated channel on our Discord :)

Info:

✨ Based on my filming schedule there may be months where I feel I am unable to make whatever video wins and will try to do something very similar or choose the runner up idea. You can always nominate that video for a future month. Really hope that doesn't happen though!

🏹 Some ideas include: tier ranking (insert theme here), giving a list of recommendations based on a theme, reacting to a certain book, a reading challenge.

Submit ideas here!